Today is the High School Dance and I cannot wait. In fact it is about to start, so I am not exactly sure why I am typing this in the first place other than to jot a few things going on in my mind. Oh yeah, I had my posse meeting yesterday which I must give a whole blog about. I am feeling good and for the first time I have no complaints XD>
First Week is Done
July 6th, 2009
It felt as if I haven’t written in forever…well I really haven’t written in forever. SO MUCH has happened in the last few days it seems pratically over my head into a world far far away. My friends here are really cool. Jay is so sweet and she is down for everything especially helping me study and making life fun. Tamyra is absolutely crazy but to be honest its like she apart of me or some other aspect of me that I have been neglecting. Christina aka Duckie is awesome and she brings out the movement in me. Michaela is cool, she is quiet and a bit reclusive but then again sometimes I am so hyped up I cannot notice anything around me. I have met other cool people such as Mina, Claudia, Jackie, Yeon Sung, Cassie, Alexandra (Ally), Bernard, and tons of other people I cannot remember at this particular moment. Yesterday I did laundry with Tamyra, Jay and Michael (althought she just came with us, she didn’t have any lanudry). We missed out chance to go to the pool but we did go on an adventure to find the laundry mat only to realize we were going the wrong way and we were crossing a bridge with tons of spider webs. Its amazing how we keep walking into them…it felt like a scary movie. We were going to go to the pool but laundry took longer than expected so for the most part I hope to really get a nice swim at least twice a week. Today i am going to try and go on the treadmill to see how I do and for how long I can go on it. Everything is nice here, the food is okay and there is alot of work but its nothing I cannot handle. I just cannot wait to fill this blog about Saturdays adventure and the dance that followed it XD. This is Atiya signing off at 7:09 am.
First Day at Choate Rosemary Hall
June 29th, 2009
I am not sure what to really say other than wow. I have met tons of cool people and despite all weird things about me I have introduced myself and made conversation with at least 50 people. Main people from here are from different countries and it seems as if once again my main friends will be from Istanbul, Turkey. I have a roommate and I couldn’t be any happier. Her name is Mina and she is from Turkey. The minute I walked in the door we clicked. There are only 14 girls in my dorm which is awesome because compared to other dorms of 30, ours is drastically small and there is a shower for almost ever other person. I was going to change my classes when I arrived, however I changed my mind, there is something I must have wanted to do with those classes that I cannot remember. I have intro to chemistry, Expository writing and a study skills class. My two gym periods are yoga and aerobics. I have met some of my classmates for chemistry and very few for my aerobics class. I just know that this summer will be really fun. I must write more about this perhaps later on since breakfast starts soon and I am hungry. Oh and I met these two girls named Tianya I think it was spelled and nema I think. One if from chicago and the other from Nigeria. Everything seems to be going well. even though I am still unfamilar with allot of the people and where to go–I am comfortable with that. I am stoked and I cannot wait to talk about it more later. Signing off at 6:54 am XD.
Okay signing back on at 6:56 am. Why only two minutes later you may ask–well because the dining hall doesn’t open for another 20 minutes and I am locked out from the side of my wing. I have my key but they haven’t given us our choate passes yet. There is pratically nothing free to do around here unless you make it fun. I mean like all the activities on the list you must pay for and I have just found out that in some classes you have to pay for books. This was not mentioned and with only 57 dollars in my pocket I am not sure that is going to be enough to cover it at least until I receive my debt card with the extra money on it next thrusday or so. Chances are after books I will be flat broke unless I share a chemistry book or go to the library and ask to rent one at a discount price for the summer which makes more sense. I am not sure what I am going to do but I know in between second period and third period I have 50 minutes free time to run to the library or the book store. Oh I did not tell you the crazy thing I had to sleep on the floor last night. The bed I was assigned it on top of this desk/bed thing and it was against the wall so I could not slip in. I am going to try and socialize love.
In the Mind of Margot
Based of Ray Bradburys short story, All Summer Day, my class was assigned to write about Margots thoughs while she was in the closet and or her thoughts once she left the closet. I chose to place her in the closet writing a diary entry!
_________________
Dear Diary,
It is me, again! Sitting in the closet, again. Writing to you about my problems, again! Yet, this time it is something important diary, this time I have been locked in the closet to miss my only chance for his smile to appear once more and give color back to my washed out cheeks, for his love to regenerate the color in my hair to its natural state and of course just to make me sane for several more years!
I can scream, plea, cry and scratch the walls until my nails start to bleed, but that doesn’t change the fact that I am still here, locked in a closet. Why do I bother to fight destiny? Why did I scream for them to let me go? Even after so many years, I still act, like what I am, a mere child. It was suppose to be today, that his tears would finally fade. God help those children for they will feel my wrath.
It’s funny, I have never asked for anything. Not a penny, a cloth, a friend or even a pencil, but it seemed each day that I took a breath; I owed more and more to the planet Venus, its people and damn it; even to my peers. I know they don’t hate me for remember the suns warmth, or remembering the suns ball of fires physics, or even the fact that I am a social outcast. They just need someone to pick on, someone to blame, and someone to make them feel better. Sadly that had to be me. I don’t blame anyone, but they should know of Gods emotions and the reality behind the creation of the Sun.
Rain is the tears of God, lightning are his sobs and thunder his pleas. Yet here, it rains every second, every minute, every hour, every day… Is this place so sinful and drenched in impurity that the Lord must continuously weep? Or am I simply over analyzing my life on this barren land? The answer may be yes, but nothing is set in stone. I can drench my mouth with words of profanity and defense for the life of the sun and the definition behind the rain, yet no one hears me.
While others frock about in his tears, with falsities in mind of the sun, I sit and wait. Each tear drop stands alone and falls to the ground alone. Yet the Sun, with its heated compassion stands as one, high above the sky releasing it love into the rose cheeks of everyone. It is the Sun, that I call Gods smile. It’s weird, can no one else, but me feel the thousands of needles descending upon my shelter? Can no one feel the pain or hear the cries of each grain of land? As they sleep with no worries, I lay awake, still and dazed. For dreams bring nothing but internal screams to the surface and crimson to my wrist. Yet still I question, am I to truly blame them?
How can they know that rain is painful and are Gods tears, if all they have seen, all they have lived and remembered is the rain? I remember when I was on earth, and the Rain seemed the most important to everyone. “It’s a Cleanser,” Priest Michael said to my mother right before our shuttle to Venus. “It’s a cleanser to a humans body, a revival of plants that have gone ill, and a savior to those who thirst for nothing, but to drink clean water each day. It will help vanquish…” and that is all I can recall him saying. There are more to his tears! The needles are descending from heaven to punish out neglectfulness and ignorance to his callings.
I am still sitting here, in my closet, or rather the schools closet and I am sure that the Sun has long gone from the sky and the birth of another demon to take away his joy has completed his objective successfully. I can hear someone approaching the closet and whispers are being muttered about. Will they remember to let me out this time? Or are they simply pondering my reaction?
The door is opening Diary, and all I can tell you is these two things. You’re my only friend and I cannot say I will forgive them, yet only time will tell!
I dreamt of An Atomic Bomb
Oh dreams, they are suppose to be pleasant and sweet.
How it makes you envision yourself in new positive lights with friends and stability. Dreams were suppose to bathe away my troubles with the ease and gentleness of a new born. Those are dreams, or are they?
Dreams use to replace my insecurities with self confidence and pride. These same dreams healed my wounds when nothing else dared to try and repair me. The hole in my soul filled with a comforting gas matter invisible to even gods eye. The hole in my heart closed with new fresh memories. Those are dreams, or are they?
i went to sleep last night, and i didn’t wake up. Bodies laid scattered with pools of crimson red liquid out streaming the Nile. Flies and vultures lingering around the stench of remains. I gasp for air as the pollution clogs the only think i could control. I grow weary and uncertain as the heat beats upon my head rapidly with a hammer. I am one of these bodies.
It turns out that wasn’t a dream. it wasn’t an illusion. It wasn’t television. And it wasn’t a nightmare. It was the damn cycle called
Life
Where is the love?
Written: September 21, 2007
My Body Trembles from your missing touch
Yet there is nothing I can do
to get back the warmth from you crimson
metallic kisses once casted up on
Life.
Where have you gone my love?
Why do you leave me in a image of distortion
when the only one to make my vision clear
if your very existence beside me?
Am I of no worth to you? Or am I
such a nuisance that your gentle kisses
can no longer reach my hollowed soul.
I desire for you to be by my side,
even if it is just for one day
one hour
one second
one glimpse.
Have you left, since another has dared to claim me?
Love please know that I belong to only you.
Whether it is my soul engraved with you tomb
or my physical body buried beneath others in the
war against reality, love and life.
You have always said until death do us part!
yet death has not come
or have you died so long ago, inside
let me piece our lives together
there is only one more piece to place together
just give me your love and trust
and the puzzle will be completed!
I wrote this generally our of depression once one of my friends declared war on another in battle for my heart, although she has always had it.
Silence
I wrote this poem after a friend of mines–Maxine passed away from Lung failure
Written: September 15, 2007
V1
How can Silence, Kill All Noise
How can Silence, Rip apart my heart
I want to hear that Voice Again
I want to dream you again
and yet,
the silence consumes my dreams.
Chorus:
I want to say goodbye
But something tells me your lingering
I want to move on
But the pain is far from subsiding
I want to see you
I want to breathe you, pause again.
V2:
No one, could separate us, we were joint
Our hearts were one, our minds complete
Yet no one ever told me, that would end.
and I…
Don’t know where to from here.
Chorus:
I want to say goodbye
But something tells me your lingering
I want to move on
But the pain is far from subsiding
I want to see you
I want to breathe you, pause again.
V3:
Now I look at you and shed a tear
Now I look at me and I just can’t believe extent
I just can’t believe
Your fading from my vision, and my dreams
with this silence.
Chorus:
I want to say goodbye
But something tells me your lingering
I want to move on
But the pain is far from subsiding
I want to see you
I want to breathe you, pause again.
V4:
Now I am in a barren covered in sand
and crimson tears from God
Never, could imagine
Silence…
Unknown
Title: in question
Written: July 4th, 2007
To challenge the moon, we set to challenge the restoration of peace, the time of dreams and the calmness beneath violet rays.
To challenge the sun, we set to challenge rebirth, new growth and the remaining time of exploration.
To challenge the time between the sun and the moon, we set to challenge life and its ventures and messages.
If we aren’t allowed to challenge these things, whether because our government, religion, class or status… what are we aloud to challenge?
The answer is the key, to life…
Still Untitled
I wrote this poem in response to my good friend Ashley Williams short story, “Werewolves”…. or whatever it was called. XD … Enjoy!
_______
Cleanse my eyes of the
Tainted truth
Lick me…of the lies that has slipped off your lips
To my withering dreams.
Pick up what’s left of me to create
That false sense of security
Can no longer play out
Can the tears shed if there is nothing to cry about?
Can you taste my pain for you, if there was no love?
Can you hear my mourns, if there is a soundless barrier be
Can you taste my pain for you, if there was no love?
Can you hear my mourns, if there is a soundless barrier between us?
Break away all my pain but never tell me…..
I want to chew your life away…like y—o—u chewed mine
I want to feel like never before.
I feel the rain, I feel the glaze of your burning passion
But I know its fake, but I know its false in my hopes
Break away your silence. Chew away
Chew away my insanity along with the lies.
Doesn’t He Know
I wrote this along time ago and just recently edited today, it is about a good friend of mine named waymonds and feelings I have for him. I am definitely turning these lyrics into an actually song later on in the year. I hope he understands…
______
I ride the bus school each morning
Take a glance at his stop
Just my heart stops pumping but
I feel a blush come on my face
I know he isn’t here any longer but I just got to
imagine his smile, as he sprints for the bus because he is running late.
I know he isn’t here any longer but I just go to stare at his picture
to remind myself that he is real.
Doesn’t he know I love him, doesn’t he know I mope around
Doesn’t understand that I will never truly get over him.
Doesn’t he .. Doesn’t he know
Doesn’t he know I will cross borders and swim ocean for him.
Doesn’t he know…..
I stay online for hours, hoping that we can share laughter
for even a sec, because my tears are still running
I chat with others hoping for this love to subside…
and convince myself that I don’t care for him any longer
but I still do…
I sit by the phone, all Sunday, hoping that he remembers to call me
that he remembers my birthday.
I know that he is away, far and along from my hold.
But does he know:
I would do anything just for him.
Doesn’t he know I love him, doesn’t he know I mope around
Doesn’t understand that I will never trully get over him.
Doesn’t he .. Doesn’t he know
Doesn’t he know I will cross borders and swim ocean for him.
Doesn’t he know…..
He wants just to be friends, but in the end
I still hope for more…
I feel so cold without him, won’t he just …
stare at me, wait for me, like I am thee only one…
I want him to know I LOVE HIM
Doesn’t he know I love him, doesn’t he know I mope around
Doesn’t understand that I will never trully get over him.
Doesn’t he .. Doesn’t he know
Doesn’t he know I will cross borders and swim ocean for him.
Doesn’t he know…..
